Hormone Wars
by TheUSofCalzona
Summary: Callie's overdue, AZ's PMSing, hilarity ensues.


A/N - Had this on my LJ and wanted to bring it over!

Cowritten with walking_weapon

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Arizona Robbins was working a 48-hour shift because two of her Attendings decided to have mono at the same time. That meant she, being the department head, had to pick up the slack. She only had an hour left before she could go home and spend 24 sweet hours in bed, but a page from a well used number make her heart stop.

Arizona Robbins needed three things when it was 'that time of the month': death by chocolate ice cream, Chips Ahoy cookies and homemade French vanilla milk shakes. She lived on those three things for 168 hours. Today the gods had been kind and she not only had all three of those things, she also and the day off. But so did her extremely pregnant girlfriend who couldn't stand the smell of those three things.

"Arizona come on, you can eat other stuff. Or go over to Mark's and eat, or...or something." Callie huffs, throwing in a pout for good measure. She is way past 9 months pregnant. Whoever said pregnancy is 9 months long lied. Horribly, horribly lied. Ok so she's only two weeks overdue, but good god is she ready for the tiny human parasite in her to get out of her.

"Calliope." Arizona whined, sitting as far away from Callie on the couch as she could. "My milkshake doesn't even have a smell. And it takes away the pain you have not had in 9 freaking months!" She cries indignantly.

"Oh and having my organs squished, my bladder used as a trampoline, my ribs used as punching bags and not even being able to see my swollen aching feet is just awesome." Callie scoffs, more frustrated with her own condition than with Arizona's choice of food. Ya the smell sucks right now, but she's mostly past the smell it and instantly want to hurl stage.

Arizona just sticks her tongue out and pushes another cookie into her mouth. "No, but having me and Mark waiting on you hand and foot, being given daily massages, not having to work and still getting paid, getting to have all day to rest and relax totally are." She counters primly.

"Oh right, my vacation I forgot." Callie snorts dismissively. "Vomiting for a solid month anytime I came near food. Feeling like a beached whale. Suffering through endless hours of boredom and crappy daytime TV. Not being allowed to do practically anything since you and Mark seem to think being pregnant makes you an invalid. Oh, and not being able to cut for months. Ya it's just been awesome." Callie says sarcastically, flopping back on the couch.

Arizona made a pouty face. "Mark and I just want to make sure that the tiny human you are growing in there comes out nice and healthy. I don't think daily sonograms or blood work and weekly check ups coupled with a monitored diet are too much." She teases playfully. Her and Mark hadn't been that bad, but she knows they'd both been a little overbearing. It was just so hard not to be though. As doctors they knew, in far more detail than an expectant parent should, exactly what could go wrong.

"Oh you are totally having the next kid and I'm going to remind you of these words." Callie mutters, trying to sit up since she needs to pee. Again. "Ug...god damn it."

"I am in Ped's. I don't need all those things." Arizona said with a touch of smugness. Callie glares at her but bites her tongue.

"We can argue about that in a minute. Right now I need you to help me up." Callie sighs in defeat, watching in amusement as Arizona unwraps herself from the 8 blankets she had twisted around her.

"I'm going to another milkshake." Arizona says after helping Callie to her feet and kissing her on the cheek.

"Ew." Callie mutters as she waddles off to the bathroom.

"How you doing in there honey?" Arizona calls after turning off the blender. She's not much of a cook, but milkshakes she can rock.

"Fine." Callie calls back grumpily only so Arizona doesn't come rushing to see what's wrong. She'd like to keep at least a shred of dignity.

Arizona adds a little more vanilla to the shake after tasting it and turns the blender back on. Once she's done she puts some popcorn in the microwave for Callie, knowing it will mask whatever slight smell her shake emits. Popcorn popped and shake in hand she heads back to the living room, noticing that Callie still hasn't come out of the bathroom. Frowning a bit she walks to the door and knocks.

"All right in there?" She calls in concern.

"No I've fallen and I can't get up." Callie dead pans. "Yes I'm fine." She mutters quickly, knowing Arizona won't appreciate the joke.

Arizona didn't really believe her. "Calliope if you peed on the floor again honey just tell me so I can help clean it up."

"That only happened because you started tickling me!" Callie snaps in embarrassment. "I'm just...stuck." She reluctantly admits. "More 'I sat down and can't get up' than 'I've fallen and I can't get up'."

"If you ask nicely I will come in and help." Arizona says, tring not to laugh so Callie can hear her and failing miserably at it.

"Ug, you're totally laughing at me." Callie mutters, thoroughly fed up with being to butt of everyone's jokes. If Mark makes one more whale or penguin joke their baby is going to meet its father as ashes in a vase on the mantle.

"I'm laughing with you." Arizona says as she opens the door and walks into the bathroom. Stifling more giggles she helps Callie up and then helps get her underwear and sweats back on too. "It's not a big deal Callie. I was almost born in a toilet you know."

"You what?" Callie snorts. "How have I not heard this story?"

"My mom went into labor at home." Arizona starts as Callie washes her hands. "She had to pee when they got to the hospital so she went in and got stuck. I was crowning when they finally got her up."

"Oh my god, that is awesome." Callie laughs heartily as she walks into the bedroom.

"Laugh it up Torres." Arizona mutters as she helps Callie into bed and get in next to her, closing her eyes and snuggling to her girlfriend.

"Oh I will. And I'll laugh even more when I tell the story to our tiny human." Callie smiles.

"No." Arizona groans, hiding her head in Callie's shoulder. "I haven't told anyone but you about it."

"Aw, I feel special." Callie chuckles.

"That's cause you are." Arizona smirks, kissing Callie's cheek. "Wanna take a nap together? Before the tiny human comes and we get no sleep until she's in college?" She asks, snuggling even closer to Callie and resting one hand protectively over Callie's swollen stomach.

"Sleep with you? Always." Callie grins, nuzzling Arizona's neck as she shifts closer to her.


End file.
